The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
