I'm gonna have a badass scar
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
