The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
