dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
