after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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