Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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