i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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