Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
