He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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