I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
