I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
