maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
