No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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