i'm signing you up for texting rehab
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
