My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
