i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
