It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
