i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I touched a dick in church today
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