You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
