Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
