his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
