From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
