When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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