Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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