We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
