I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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