So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
