Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Randomize
