i love accidental penises.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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