As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
