the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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