Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
