from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Drunk is a universal language darling
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
