K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize