Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize