I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
