yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize