There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
