Cold hands, warm shart.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
