Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
When are your genitals available?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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