I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
