I can text with my tongue
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I want a musical about memes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
