I'm jealous of your bromance
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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