Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He passed out mid-signature
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize