I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
