I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
