i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
