mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
