I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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