i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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