at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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