I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
