How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
