Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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