was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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