she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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