We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I need moral support for this bender
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
