M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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