3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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