her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so let's talk penis.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
