I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
