I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
