Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
