Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
