I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
