apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
