I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
