everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
