I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
