I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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