There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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