i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
