1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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